Interfaith panel: Civility in marriage equality conversation
by Caitlyn Troendle, One Iowa intern
The Interfaith Alliance of Iowa program "A Call to Quiet Conversations and Public Debate" on Thursday was civil and lighthearted despite the panel participants' very diverse backgrounds. Moderated by Rev. Dr. C. Welton Gaddy, President of the Interfaith Alliance and author of Same-gender Marriage and Religious Freedom: A Call to Quiet Conversations and Public Debate, the panelists were asked to discuss their views on faith and same-sex marriage, while creating a positive model of conversation for others to follow. Though only one panelist, Rev. Phil Corr, a minister at First Congregational Church in Charles City, was directly opposed to marriage equality, each brought a valuable perspective.
The debate was unscripted, and Rev. Dr. Gaddy opened the floor with a question about where to start a conversation that was so difficult, yet necessary. Most of the panelists seemed to agree, while their faiths look to The Bible for guidance, The Constitution is the better place to start.
"There is no single text that we can all turn to for guidance on this issue. To start with a civil rights issue within a house of worship, we need to start not with religious texts, but with those outside of religion," Rev. Mark Stringer, Minister at First Unitarian Church in Des Moines.
Sally Frank, a board member of the Temple B’Nai Jeshrun and a professor at Drake University Law School, called for a separation between religious and governmental views of marriage.
"We can’t have a legal scheme where some people have more rights than others. There is also freedom of religion. If a particular church does not wish to recognize a marriage, they are not obligated to. That decision is up to each individual religion, and not for the state to decide."
Rev. Dr. Gaddy reiterated this point: "While one can have a marriage without religion, there cannot be a marriage without government. Granting divorce is the sole decision of the government. If a religion chooses not to honor the divorce, it is irrelevant in terms of legality."
The question then turned to whether or not a separate term for the marriage of same-sex couples should be used, such as "civil union."
Rev. Corr was quick to respond with the claim, "for the last 5,000 years across every culture, marriage has consisted of one man and one woman with few exceptions. Marriage is a visceral term that people understand as such."
Rev. Karen Dungan, Assistant to the Bishop at the Iowa Conference of the United Methodist Church, replied equally quickly "It is not helpful to phrase [the marriage of same-sex couples] in a different way because the practice of marriage is so ingrained in our culture that to describe one’s marriage as a civil union is to give them a second-class status."
With such differing opinions from people of faith, Rev. Gaddy then directed the conversations toward attempting to find a consensus among the panelists in how to recreate the debate in everyday life without hostility or violence.
Rev. John Ayers, deacon at St. Boniface Parish in Waukee, lent an interesting piece of advice: "While it can be tempting to return hurtful epithets to those hurling them at you, it is better to invite your opponent out for coffee, to get to know them better. They might not agree to it but some will, and it is important to reach out in a small way to people you disagree with. Besides, not liking someone because you disagree is the dumbest thing on earth – the first thing that would have to go would be marriage!"
Harry Knox, director of the Religion and Faith Program and Human Rights Campaign, ended the conversation with conviction: "These conversations are an esoteric exercise to most because the laws wouldn’t affect them, but people respond in anger when they feel their faith is demeaned somehow by same-sex marriage. I understand. With the millions of dollars spent to attack my and others' marriage, it is remarkable that we have acted with such civility. If [heterosexuals] get to make decisions about us, they should know that each ugly thing they say about us is a kick to my gut. Talk to us, not about us. Until the LGBT community feels that they have justice, your work is not done."
