Marriage equality, gay marriage, and civil unions

Words are important. Calling a heterosexual couple's commitment "marriage" and a same-sex couple's "civil union" keeps the two separate. And in our society, where the word "marriage" has meaning and power, the two will never be equal.

"I told [the Iowa Supreme Court justices] that I'm married to a woman I dearly love, and if we were told that we could only have a civil union, that would bother us deeply," lawyer Dennis Johnson said when he argued and won the landmark Varnum v. Brien case.

"It would be sending the message that some families are not as deserving as others."

Gay and lesbian couples often report a difference in the way they are treated by friends and family, and even their feelings for each other when they are finally allowed the freedom to marry. Even couples who have been together 10, 20 years or more, and whose domestic partnerships or civil unions afford them many of the benefits of marriage, are surprised how emotional and joyous obtaining a marriage license can be.

Similarly, One Iowa, and much of the LGBT community, uses the phrase "marriage equality" when talking about gay marriage or same-sex marriage. The reason, again, is one of inclusion instead of separation. By labeling marriage as "gay" or "same-sex", we are setting our marriages apart from heterosexual marriages.

When we think in terms of marriage equality, we include everyone. When we talk in terms of marriage equality, we include our allies, friends, congregations -- anyone in a committed, loving relationship who wants join our beautifully diverse patchwork of Iowa families.